Are you an Option or a Priority in a Relationship?

You’re not a priority if you’re an option,

You are a percentage.

A percentage of that other person’s time and effort.

Sometimes in a relationship you are haunted by the thought that are you an option or a priority. You have always been the understanding girlfriend, the accommodating wife or an easy going friend. You must have tried to be less self-centred, less needy or tried to be a better person, more worthy of their attention and affection. But after exhausting yourself, you realised that it was you who made yourself an option rather than a priority person.

Few signs which can help you realize if you are only an option to your partner.

• They appear when they need something. If your partner only texts you messages such as “Hey let’s party tonight?” it could mean that you are only an option to him and he texts you because he doesn’t want to spend the evening alone or because all of his other friends are busy.
• They are only for good times. But when you have tough time, they will make whatever excuse they can in order not to come and help you.
• You find yourself turning people down or making excuses while you wait to see if he/she wants to see you.
• You’re never the person they want to take to big events, like weddings.
• You constantly feel like you are the one putting ALL the effort.
•  When you try to stand up for yourself, they blame you for being needy.
• You are unhappy most of the times but you still hold on to those few moments you spent with them.

Now that you know you are madly in love with him/her, you desperately try to please them with all your efforts. You invest everything of yours for just that one relationship. However, it’s not normal to abandon everything you are and everyone you know to be closer to your partner.  But as time passes, you realise that you have completely lost yourself in a relationship.

But why do people lose themselves in a relationship.

Pleasing People:

You are always eager to please people by putting them first and yourself last. You may like it initially but in some time you will end up burying your own needs and desires.

Insecurity

The insecurities in a relationship will lead you into fear of losing that relationship and may behave anxiously as a result. You may overthink, make confusing bids for attention, and come off a bit needy. Then, when this anxious behaviour doesn’t result in receiving the attention you crave, you may feel unloved.

Low self-esteem and Lack of confidence

Your constant fear of losing someone can give rise to low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. These fears can erode confidence and cause relationship anxiety. That may, in turn, actually affect the health of a relationship. And of course, these fears can cause you to feel like you’ve lost yourself.

How not to lose yourself

• Prioritize yourself, self-care is very important when you are in a relationship. Don’t rely on another person to fulfil you.
• Don’t compromise too much. It’s important to know when to bend in a relationship, but make sure you don’t bend to an extent that you break.
• Keep in touch with your friends and family. It might be exciting to be with your partner all the time but your loved ones also miss you.
• Stay tuned with yourself, pursue your hobbies, enjoy some ‘Me Time’ and don’t ever change yourself for anyone.

Now that you know that someone is draining your energy or taking advantage, then it’s time we build more self-respect, be loving and yet be detached. It’s time to increase your self-worth. Whether others prioritise you or not but you prioritise yourself.

In order for you to be a priority in someone else’s life you have to first make your own self a priority. When you recognise your own value then you can value others and in turn they will value you.

So, whether it’s curling on the couch with a cup of coffee, reading your favourite book, or just driving down the road, find calm and peace within yourself. If you are in sync with yourself, then you will have better company, friends and relationships- so just go for it!

• Prioritize yourself, self-care is very important when you are in a relationship. Don’t rely on another person to fulfil you.
• Don’t compromise too much. It’s important to know when to bend in a relationship, but make sure you don’t bend to an extent that you break.
• Keep in touch with your friends and family. It might be exciting to be with your partner all the time but your loved ones also miss you.
• Stay tuned with yourself, pursue your hobbies, enjoy some ‘Me Time’ and don’t ever change yourself for anyone.